They have changed, and so have I

With a new year comes a refreshed sense of optimism for me.  Especially this year, as it is 2013, and 13 is my absolute favorite, and lucky number!  There are many new things developing this year. The children are all changing.  The older ones are getting more serious, and are starting to think about college, and life outside of the nest.  My middle schooler is struggling with all of the fun emotional growing pains that middle school brings.  The little ones are just at the beginning of their journey, and everything is exciting and new.  Every word from their teachers mouths gospel. 

I am trying to wade through all of these stages, not wanting to miss a thing.  I must admit, it is challenging to stay abreast of and engaged in young adult, middle schooler, and little people, affairs all at once.  It requires a lot of mental bandwidth, and I don't always have bandwidth to spare (after all, I am expected to remember all of their names too.)  I enjoy my older ones most, I'll fess up.  Maybe it is because I have enjoyed watching them go from little wide eyed babies, to serious, funny, loving, young men.  I have taken such pleasure in watching them grow and change.  

Maybe it is because I am not at the same stage of life as I was when they were little.  I don't find as much joy in things like volunteering in class, spending hours in volunteer meetings, fundraising, and the like.  I feel like I used up much of that energy while the older three were small, and I am kind of done....put a fork in me.  It feels shameful to admit it, but we all change, if we remained stagnate, loving the same things year after year, how boring would life be???

I do love 6 year old giggles, 6 year old cuddles, wiping away 6 year old tears.  My, oh, my, that baby love never gets old for me.  I just don't feel the need to be super mom anymore. I like working. I never thought I'd say that, but I really like working.  I guess it is a good thing we are finished with the whole family building thing, because I think number 6 would feel like they were missing out a little.  I'll have to hide all of the scrapbooks full of pictures of me at every event, every field trip, so no one gets jealous, lol.