Foster Parenting journey, part ??

I am not sure if I will end up posting this or not, because I am writing it with a very, very, heavy heart. Foster Parenting is a tough gig, on many levels. The toughest of all, is having no control. Our family, and I mean every single one of us, has been pouring into our little guy Victor, since he joined our family in April. We have loved him, disciplined him, taught him, laughed with him, been amazed by him, and hurt for him.

He and his siblings have had an incredibly tough start in this world. He has endured things, I wouldn't wish on anyone. Despite the trauma he has experienced, he has been coming around. He is starting to really trust, to be comfortable, to give genuine affection, to allow us to love him back. I can really see light at the end of the tunnel for this guy. My children have unquestioningly-- adopted him in their hearts as a brother. They love him. Michael is especially attached to him, he defends him fiercely, when Victor acts out.

I have no idea what his future holds. There are so many social workers, so many people involved, so many scenarios that could play out. It scares me to death, because it seems like the least likely scenario, is him living a happy life, taken care of, loved, clothed, fed, and given opportunities-- as a forever member of the Rhodes family. My heart is breaking, and I don't know what to do with these feelings. I knew from the beginning that this was the risk. We all walked into this knowing that we were risking our own hearts to give him a chance. I guess I just didn't really comprehend how much it would hurt, if it didn't work out.

Nothing has happened, other than a social worker relaying plans A, B, and C to me.... what an awful reality check. If I ever thought I had even a little control over this process, I was clearly kidding myself. What will be will be, and it is not up to me. All I can do is pray.

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