If ever there were a person who was less afraid of change than I am-- I have yet to meet them. In fact, I would call myself a "change seeker", a habitual "cliff jumper". That mentality comes with many a flaw:
It makes it difficult for me to stick to a boring, or stressful task.
It makes it very difficult for me to defer to the authority of others, I am not sure why that is, it is a rule breaker mentality I suppose.
I have trouble with "negative nellie's", or those who must always play "devil's advocate."
My brain says YES before it fully processes information.
While all of those flaws must seem horrifying to the average person, me not so much.
Not being an over analyzer frees me from many a burden:
I don't have to know the outcome before leaping, so it opens me up to success. It opens me up to failure too, no doubt, but I can process failure and move on better than most people.
I don't freak out when inevitable change comes my way. I adjust.
It allows room in my heart for faith. I don't need to fully understand the how's and why's of the Universe, to believe in God with my whole heart.
It models for my children that failure is just part of the process, not a deal breaker. Failure is a sign of strength, not of weakness. You can't fail if you are not trying, and trying is everything.
I like to tell my volleyball story to my boys. My old high school chums, might remember this if you think about it. I really wanted to be on the girls volleyball team in high school. I would play all summer at the swim club (Swan Lake in Baltimore), and while it was admittedly something I did primarily to hang out with cute boys-- I did get in a lot of reps, lol. So each year when try outs for the team would come around, I would would go with a hopeful heart. I would spend the week of try-outs, doing the drills, doing my best, only to get cut by the 2nd or 3rd cut. Did that hurt? Of course it did, I was a teenage girl getting rejected! My world view just didn't allow room for me to not try again. I couldn't be critical of those who made the team, because clearly they were better at it than me. I just had to try again if it was important to me. And I did. I tried out and got cut all four years. Most of my friends, and my sister even, look at that situation and say-- why on earth would you subject yourself to that rejection year after year? I had no choice. It is in my nature.
That approach to life has continued to grow in me with each year that passes. That is why you see me trying new things, taking risks that others would not, living a chaotic life. There is a magnet in my brain that draws me to change, to be flexible. I didn't put it there, God did. He doesn't make mistakes, so there must be a divine purpose for this willingness to risk my sanity, reputation, and patience of those who love me-- right?
Two examples of how this inherent willingness to take risks has paid off in undeniable ways. Nick, my beautiful Nick, the love of my life (one of them anyway)-- would have had a life so different had we not said YES to that maddening phone call we got in 2006. "We have a healthy newborn, we don't know much, yes he was exposed to drugs. You have 15 minutes to decide if you can take him and 2 hours to get to the hospital!"
And Victor. He spent much of his life in foster care. While things are not always smooth around here. He has a chance to learn how to succeed in society, to be safe, well fed, and loved. He has parents who, even when pushed to the brink by his behavior are not going to beat him for it. He is slowly learning to trust. God pulled this child into our hearts, without much explanation or reassurance. We said yes, quietly, and nervously. Each day shows us that we did the right thing. He really needs us in his life.
So I guess it is a good thing that God created some habitual cliff jumpers among us. Every person plays their part in this great big world.
It makes it difficult for me to stick to a boring, or stressful task.
It makes it very difficult for me to defer to the authority of others, I am not sure why that is, it is a rule breaker mentality I suppose.
I have trouble with "negative nellie's", or those who must always play "devil's advocate."
My brain says YES before it fully processes information.
While all of those flaws must seem horrifying to the average person, me not so much.
Not being an over analyzer frees me from many a burden:
I don't have to know the outcome before leaping, so it opens me up to success. It opens me up to failure too, no doubt, but I can process failure and move on better than most people.
I don't freak out when inevitable change comes my way. I adjust.
It allows room in my heart for faith. I don't need to fully understand the how's and why's of the Universe, to believe in God with my whole heart.
It models for my children that failure is just part of the process, not a deal breaker. Failure is a sign of strength, not of weakness. You can't fail if you are not trying, and trying is everything.
I like to tell my volleyball story to my boys. My old high school chums, might remember this if you think about it. I really wanted to be on the girls volleyball team in high school. I would play all summer at the swim club (Swan Lake in Baltimore), and while it was admittedly something I did primarily to hang out with cute boys-- I did get in a lot of reps, lol. So each year when try outs for the team would come around, I would would go with a hopeful heart. I would spend the week of try-outs, doing the drills, doing my best, only to get cut by the 2nd or 3rd cut. Did that hurt? Of course it did, I was a teenage girl getting rejected! My world view just didn't allow room for me to not try again. I couldn't be critical of those who made the team, because clearly they were better at it than me. I just had to try again if it was important to me. And I did. I tried out and got cut all four years. Most of my friends, and my sister even, look at that situation and say-- why on earth would you subject yourself to that rejection year after year? I had no choice. It is in my nature.
That approach to life has continued to grow in me with each year that passes. That is why you see me trying new things, taking risks that others would not, living a chaotic life. There is a magnet in my brain that draws me to change, to be flexible. I didn't put it there, God did. He doesn't make mistakes, so there must be a divine purpose for this willingness to risk my sanity, reputation, and patience of those who love me-- right?
Two examples of how this inherent willingness to take risks has paid off in undeniable ways. Nick, my beautiful Nick, the love of my life (one of them anyway)-- would have had a life so different had we not said YES to that maddening phone call we got in 2006. "We have a healthy newborn, we don't know much, yes he was exposed to drugs. You have 15 minutes to decide if you can take him and 2 hours to get to the hospital!"
And Victor. He spent much of his life in foster care. While things are not always smooth around here. He has a chance to learn how to succeed in society, to be safe, well fed, and loved. He has parents who, even when pushed to the brink by his behavior are not going to beat him for it. He is slowly learning to trust. God pulled this child into our hearts, without much explanation or reassurance. We said yes, quietly, and nervously. Each day shows us that we did the right thing. He really needs us in his life.
So I guess it is a good thing that God created some habitual cliff jumpers among us. Every person plays their part in this great big world.
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