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Fox hole parenting




I enter this new week a little tired, but smiling.  Why? No drama this weekend.  We had sunshine, and sports, and cuddle time--- less the drama.  Most families don't experience the intense level of emotions that the Rhodes clan does. Sure, they have the hectic life of families, perhaps some fighting, the normal mess--- perhaps a little teen hormone induced drama....but we have drama of a different kind in our house.  The kind of drama caused by a brain that is shooting off crazy chemicals induced by years of trauma.  When our son Victor is home, the whole world is a great big land mine.  Saying the wrong thing, calling him out on behavior, or even suggesting that he not eat a 4th serving of ice cream can cause the the peace to recede, and for chaos to ensue.

He is now in a boarding school for kids with emotional issues.  As sad as it is that our family isn't all together--- I must admit that the peace in our household is a welcome blessing.  We are learning more and more about Reactive Attachment Disorder.  Our family is not alone in this journey.  Many who have adopted children out of foster care are experiencing similar challenges.  We take life day by day, with hope if not optimism.  The biggest solace that we have is God's promise that we are not in control. We walk forward in faith, advocating for our son, participating in his care--- but ultimately the outcome is in God's hands.

The future is a great big unknown.  Will he finish school? Will he hurt someone? Will he end up in jail? We have no idea.  We can only hope that at some point he will want more for himself and he will start to make choices that will put him on the right path.  He may never make that choice.  It is up to him.  Our prayer is that he will develop his own personal relationship with God. Only God's power can wash away the pain, and re-wire the trauma damaged parts of our son's brain.  We want him to love himself, and to have peace in his heart.  He lives in such a chaotic state of mind all of the time. It must be utterly exhausting for him-- I know it is for us, lol.

The huge question is if he will ever be able to develop enough restraint to live safely at home with the family.  It is hard to imagine him doing that now.  We ponder this question every day, and wonder--- what the heck are we supposed to do if he can not. What then?  Resources for families like ours are not easy to find.  We spend hours writing letters, documenting things, making phone calls-- it is a fight every step of the way.  Did I mention that we are tired. Yeah, all of the time. I swear I have aged a decade in the last five years.  Add us to your prayer list if you would-- we would appreciate any and all intercession.


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