Thoughts on Motherhood

With Mother's Day comes the reminder that my life forever changed the day William Rhodes was born. It is a difficult thing to explain to a person who has never experienced it before, but the way you see the world morphed by the new lenses God puts before your eyes. I can't say it feels the same for everyone, for I can only speak for myself, but I will try to describe it.

Where once my focus was completely on my own life. My career, my relationship with Jeff, our home, our friends, our next vacation..... I now felt the pull of a higher responsibility. How will the choices I make today affect him, this precious, squalling, little bundle, of blue eyes, and chubby thighs. How will I ensure that he is provided for, and safe, and loved, always.

My own life, which I once took for granted and risked recklessly, seemed more important, as I existed for more than my own pleasure. Now I need to stay healthy, and safe, because this little one needs me. I am his protector, I am tasked with teaching him how to be a man, I must be here to love him and to make sure he knows what a valuable and precious person he is.

Sixteen years later, that feeling has only intensified. It has multiplied with the addition of each son into our family. I am a Momma bear, fierce, and unapologetic. I love these children in a way I never thought myself capable of.

Motherhood is certainly more than this, but of the many facets of this experience, this is the strongest for me. Thank you Lord for your wisdom, for trusting me with this role, for putting 5 beautiful boys in my care. I am so grateful for your provision, your wisdom, and your forgiveness, as I stumble along this journey.

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