I am an impulsive woman, no doubt about that. I have learned over the years to slow myself down, a little at least. I try to think on something, to detail lists of pro's & con's, to run it past my husband, to seek council from wise friends, to pray. Notice I mentioned pray last. I list it last because I would be lying if I didn't confess that I run far, far, ahead of God on most decisions. I have been living under the misconception that I know what is best for me, that I am a smart woman, that I can trust my gut, that I don't need God to intercede in my decision making process. The problem is, that last part, the part where I decide if God intercedes or not... yeah, well, it doesn't work that way. God does as God will. He decides what will work in my life, and what will not. If my chosen path is wrong, it will work, or it won't, but I am not the one who decides which way things will go. Sooooo, it doesn't much matter how possible or impossible something seems. I need to pray for God's will to be done, to let him know I am open to what he would have for me, and to prepare myself for what will be. I have been recently a little frustrated by my inability to move forward on job opportunities. Jeff and I had decided that my going back to work in the Fall would be a good idea, opportunities seemed to appear from no where, and now I am waiting for movement (very impatiently). It is frustrating, but that is why I write this. I am trying to remind myself how very important it is to be open to what God has planned for me, even if it looks very different than what I would imagine for myself. His plan is always greater.
I enter this new week a little tired, but smiling. Why? No drama this weekend. We had sunshine, and sports, and cuddle time--- less the drama. Most families don't experience the intense level of emotions that the Rhodes clan does. Sure, they have the hectic life of families, perhaps some fighting, the normal mess--- perhaps a little teen hormone induced drama....but we have drama of a different kind in our house. The kind of drama caused by a brain that is shooting off crazy chemicals induced by years of trauma. When our son Victor is home, the whole world is a great big land mine. Saying the wrong thing, calling him out on behavior, or even suggesting that he not eat a 4th serving of ice cream can cause the the peace to recede, and for chaos to ensue. He is now in a boarding school for kids with emotional issues. As sad as it is that our family isn't all together--- I must admit that the peace in our household is a welcome blessing. We are learning more and more
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