The Sky is Blue

I absolutely love Christmas time.  I love everything about it. I love the lights, the cookies, the parties, the presents, the family time, the music, all of it. I love that everyone is a little kinder to one another during this season. Christian or Jew, Atheist, or whatever, everyone is just kinder. It is a season when the blinders are less effective.  It is harder to just go about your business.  I grew up in an area where EVERYONE celebrated Christmas.  Lights on every house, traditional Christmas Carols were sung at school, no Happy Holidays-- it was Always Merry Christmas.  I live in LA now, and it is very different.  While not everyone here celebrates Christmas, it is no less fun for me!  I still deck the house out in Candy Cane Lane like splendor.  We sing, we bake, we talk about Jesus, we love Christmas, just like we did when it was what everyone did.  We also get to see what life is like for those who don't celebrate Christmas.  ...

Wow, what an eventful day yesterday was.  Some days foster parenting offers challenges that exhaust me completely.  The emotional roller coaster, the investigative nature of trying to figure out what drives the behavior of a little guy. The medical, psychological, and emotional puzzle of this little guys struggles.  Interacting with so many different people, all vested in his welfare.  It really sucks the hootspa out of a girl.  Then on to Junior college night for an older son, smiles everyone, smiles!

We had an incredible Thanksgiving weekend.  It was filled with the sounds of football on the television.  Kids playing outside. Our home getting all holiday-fied, inside and out. We ate turkey, and all the fixins' for days. I took luxurious naps in the afternoon.  It was lovely. I am very grateful for this time in our lives. The hustle and bustle, never knowing who will walk in the door, tripping over dogs, always out of milk, these are definitely the good times.  I know without a doubt that a quite house for me, would be a lonely house. Many people feel differently, I know that.  I like the chaos.  I can find my zen in the midst of the crazy. Thank God for dirty, sticky, little boys.  Thank God for footballs, rugby balls, basket balls, nerf guns, and legos.  Thank God for puddles, and dirt, and sticks, and critters.  Thank God for smelly dogs, and stinky feet.  Thank God for boys who grow into Men who love women with their whole he...

It is Thanksgiving week and much to my surprise, three out of five of my children have the entire week off!!!!  Imagine my shock, as I go to the elementary school for the Pilgrim & Native American 1st grade feast to see the sign in the office saying "Enjoy your week off next week".  I think my exact words were...."Heaven help me!" as I fell into a faint on the floor. Mild exaggeration, but only mild. I knew one of my kids had off, the easy one, the independent one, the one who is helpful and sweet.  I didn't plan on a week of bickering, and wrestling, and corner time, I have to get a game plan together and quick.  This week is supposed to be all about gratitude, and love, and family. I am grateful for school, and teachers, and 6 hours of peace, oops did I just say that out loud.  Ok, I can do this.  I can be "play with me Mommy" for a week.  It doesn't come naturally, but I can do anything in small bursts.  I will break out the craft supplie...

I try to intentionally look at my circumstances through the "what is good about this?" lens.  Recently, my favorite household helper Rayna, who helps me weekly, and spreads joy in my household with the smell of fresh sheets, and lemon oil, and bleach, ahhhhhh....... had a personally family emergency and had to leave suddenly for El Salvador for an undetermined period of time.  When she first told me, I am happy to report, I felt concern first-- the personal panic didn't hit till later when I processed what her absence would mean for me. Work has been slow for me, so I thought, ok, God's timing is perfect, I needed the financial break, and she needed the off time, I can pick up the slack, and save money-- win, win.  I whined a bit, I will admit. My boys are sloppy, and I am not exactly a neatnic. The mess piles up fast, it takes constant maintenance. Somehow Rayna always works magic in one day and puts peace back in our happy home.  The good news is this.  Thro...

I often wonder about the path my life has taken.  God has blessed me with many sons, so the Rhodes name is not in danger, but really, not one daughter among this brood, sheesh-- what is up with that?? People always ask me, do you wish you had girls? After giving birth to three boys, why adopt another boy, why not a girl?  Interesting question. I guess I just figured God knew best.  If I was supposed to have girls he would have given them to me. They are really different creatures.  I don't get to spend a ton of time around little girls, but they are special.  I love the sweet knowing smiles, almost like they have little grown woman brains behind those little girl eyes. I love their soft hair, and love of all things shiny.  If I am honest with myself, I must admit, God knows me better than I know myself.  I have the temperament to be a good auntie to girls.  You know, the fun auntie that does crafts, and nails, and plays make up, and does facials...

My oldest boys William and Jack don't have a lot in common. They like different things. They approach  academics  differently. They have different social personalities. They are just different kids.  Given that they are close in age and only a grade apart in school, they have been compared a lot over the years.  Much of that comparing has been done by me, I regret some of that.  Due to a series of miracles the boys are in school together, enjoying an exceptional educational and athletic experience at Viewpoint school in Calabasas.  Though I am not sure they fully appreciate how awesome this time together is right now, I have every confidence that they will look back on this time playing side by side for the Patriots as some of the best times of their lives. I watch my husband and his brother banter back and forth over their memories of Calvert Hall, and see the best friends that they have become--- and I think, wow, what a gift siblings are. I will keep all...

It has been quite a while since I posted on here, but you know I have NOT slowed down. In fact I am racing full speed as always. I just haven't taken the time to reflect on all the good stuff. The moments are zipping past. Homecomings, and football games, first grade pride awards, and Halloween trick or treating, cuddles on the couch, and tiny feet jabbing me in the ribs when a little one sneaks into bed with us. This is the good stuff. My older sons are men, no denying it. Before I know it, they will have families of their own. The funny part is, I will likely have grandchildren and children that are not far apart in age, but hey, it is the life we chose. I will be like Kate Roberts on Days of Our Lives, a stylin' hip great grandma-- who is way invested in my kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. I won't be murdering and conniving on their behalf though, sorry boys-- we'll leave that for the soaps. I hope to always be a joy to you. Oh, and shiny, I always want to be sh...

My life is big, and full.  While I feel like I have been following God's leading in making it so, there are certainly choices along the way.  We chose to adopt Nicholas, and wow, what an amazing gift he has been.  God smoothed the process from start to finish, He brought him through a precarious pregnancy with no prenatal care, drugs, and who knows what else, He brought him into the world healthy, bright, and beautiful. So I guess while that feels like a choice, was it really?  Victor was placed on my heart, no getting around it.  The Lord put him there, and would not cease until I payed attention.  That felt a little more like a direction, and a test in obedience.  We have these two rescue dogs Duke and Murphy.  They are both blessings, and we love them, but having two dogs, especially one with crazy anxiety issues and the strength  and jumping ability of Superman, is not always easy.  Try taking a vacation, Ha! We can't even all fit in...

Spring is the season of renewal, of beautiful weather, gorgeous colors, dreams of beach days.  Unfortunately for me, this spring has brought me a fat season. My weight has always fluctuated.  Nothing a good flu couldn't cure, just kidding, well sort of.  It is that 20-25 pounds, just enough to make me feel unattractive, and to be ballooning out of my jeans.  Yuck.  Boo Hoo for me.  I am a grown up, I could take a walk, go to a yoga class, skip the sweedish fish, have less wine...I know what to do, it is no mystery.  My mind is so adverse to being told what to do that it won't even listen TO ME!!!  How do you like that??? So instead of worrying about all of the things I should be/but am not doing....I am focusing on the things that make me feel fabulous regardless of size.  Things like fab nails, awesome shoes, accessories, lip gloss....you feel me??? I know you do.  It doesn't matter how fat you get, a sweet manicure is a sweet manic...

Have YOU ever pulled your son from an athletic team because he wasn't learning anything? Have YOU ever sat on the sidelines appalled at the behavior of coaches and parents? I have. Nothing is more frustrating than knowing your child has talent, or even just a love for a sport, but having that thwarted time after time by bad experiences that kill your child's love of the sport. If you want your son to learn, to be inspired to do his best, to be encouraged, and to foster a passion for football--- sign him up! West Valley Ravens (formerly Calabasas Raiders)--- with Seniors Coach Jeff Rhodes. Contact Jeff at 818-251-6931 or sedohrman13@gmail.com You will be glad you did!! :) -- and yes this message is biased, he is my husband, and father of my five sons, and he rocks!!  — with  Jeffrey Rhodes  and  2 others .

I have a billion things on my plate today, but I just have to take a moment to acknowledge a fleeting and wonderful moment I experienced yesterday.  It was a simple task, something on my long list of To-Do's on this weeks list. Go buy William a suit for prom, his very first prom. Now for many of you, this whole suit buying thing happens much younger because of the whole Bar Mitzvah thing, but not for us, we haven't really had an occasion that a sports jacket and slacks couldn't cover yet. I was rushing everyone around, picking the boys up after football practice, I had made and plated dinner so that everyone could scarf it down.  Jeff was busy too, hitting the grocery store then off to a coaching/recruiting event for his West Valley Ravens. We pile in the car and head to Northridge Suit outlet. My husband had already hit Macy's, Nordstrom, Burlington, and Men's Warehouse the night before, and nothing under $1000 fit nicely and looked made well.  William is a big b...

Good things and bad things seem to come in waves.  Today is a week full of good things.  My Mother-in-Law is coming to visit, my oldest son is going to his first prom, and our annual ABF Tea is on Saturday, and I am heavily involved in the planning.  Ohhhh, let's not forget the Lacrosse Banquet on Sunday, and..... hmmm I think that covers it.  I am also blessed with work, and oh, one more thing, my 6th grade student has the TAN festival on Friday.  This little event requires me to help him get ready to represent multiple cultures in clothing, food, and posters. So in summary, this monsoon of good stuff is washing over me and pulling me under. Praise God who covers the big things and the small.  Please Lord take this weight from me, so that all I would feel is joy as I work through the details of this busy week.  I surely can't do it on my own.

With Mother's Day comes the reminder that my life forever changed the day William Rhodes was born.  It is a difficult thing to explain to a person who has never experienced it before, but the way you see the world morphed by the new lenses God puts before your eyes.  I can't say it feels the same for everyone, for I can only speak for myself, but I will try to describe it. Where once my focus was completely on my own life.  My career, my relationship with Jeff, our home,  our friends, our next vacation..... I now felt the pull of a higher responsibility.  How will the choices I make today affect him, this precious, squalling, little bundle, of blue eyes, and chubby thighs. How will I ensure that he is provided for, and safe, and loved, always. My own life, which I once took for granted and risked recklessly, seemed more important, as I existed for more than my own pleasure. Now I need to stay healthy, and safe, because this little one needs me. I am his pr...

4/24 I am officially in the category of the self criticizing skin obsessed 40 something woman. I never thought I would be this way.  I thought I would be able to overlook the imperfections that come with age the same way I have always been kind to myself about my weight.  I rarely feel like I look like a hot mess, until lately.  Age, plus an extra 25 lbs, plus aging, is putting me into a funk. I can see lines everywhere.  What a bummer! I want my blinders back, I was happier that way! I know that if I lost weight I would feel better.  I know that no one else but me is obsessing over the circles under my eyes, or that wrinkle between my eyes.  Why are women so hard on themselves? If you figure it out, let me know.  And if you discover some magic potion that actually works, text me, fast. :)

Do you have one day of the week that just pushes you over the edge?? Mine is Tuesday, has been for years.  It just seems like every activity wants to land on Tuesday.   The kids have always had Youth Group, and Awana on Tuesday nights.  For some reason Hockey practice is always Tuesday night.  My foster son has visits with birth mom and his brothers, on Tuesdays! (which by the way, make him a bear in the evening, because they stir up so much anxiety and worry for him)  Oh, let's not forget the little ones have a minimum day on Tuesday every week. My husband joined a bowling league with his buddy, Tuesday Night.  Lacrosse Games, oh let's just schedule them for Tuesday.  Karate class, best done on a Tuesday!  Oy Vey! It never stops! I don't know about you, but I have yet to clone myself, bummer right? I can only drive one vehicle at a time, and I can't just drop off 6 year olds one place, then head to another, sooooooo where does that leave me? ...

I heard a very poignant message yesterday. It was from the book of James.  The focus of the message was trials, and what we do with them. There is no getting around it, they will come.  They always do.  They take all different forms, illness, finance, grief & loss, worry for a child, marriage trouble, wow, there are so many forms a trial can take.  I don't know many people who haven't struggled with at least one of those over the years.  Knowing they will come, whether we are ready or not, I guess the question is, what do you do with it? Trials have the potential to tear apart families, to destroy character, to make life seem hopeless.  They also have the potential to strengthen us, to build relationships, to learn to trust, to help others through our brokenness.  We will weather it, one way or another. Imagine looking your trial in the face, and being able to say, "I am ok. I can do this. I am going to come out on the other side of this, stron...

It is very quiet in my house this morning, that is unusual.  The little ones are off to school.  The teenager's are still sleeping, and the tween has a friend over, and is occupied. Praise the Lord for silence, it is a gift, though not given often.  For once I am not rushed to run someone somewhere, or feeling the pressure of a work deadline.  I am thinking about things like planting flowers, and going to a friends house for a knitting lesson. I love that life has so many interesting facets.  I love it even more when I have a breather, when I can think about the things that bring me joy, and fill up my spirit.  Creative things tend to do that for me.  When I have time to scrapbook, or design a piece of jewelry, when I have time to learn to knit, or get into a really good book.  Those are small pleasures that get ignored much of the time as I race about life.  We need darkness to appreciate the sun, we need cold to appreciate warmth, we need c...

It isn't about the bunny.  We do enjoy dying eggs, playing games, and eating chocolate & jelly beans for sure, but at least my older family members get it, it really is not about the bunny. We enjoyed a lovely day with family.  We had an incredible morning of church & worship.  We remembered.  The sacrifice our Lord made, coming to us in an "Earth Suit" (as our Pastor says), living among us, feeling every moment of pain, all so that we could be forgiven.  It is beyond comprehension. I am so grateful for the renewed energy, and optimism that has taken hold at Agoura Bible Fellowship.  Spring has brought us a new Pastor, and renewed hope. Happy Spring everyone!  I hope your life is graced with lily's and tulips, optimism, and cheer!

Did you ever just wake up thinking, Lord, what are you trying to teach me in this? We are in a season of joy, our boys are growing bigger, maturing, turning into men.  We are looking at colleges, talking about the future. Simultaneously, my heart is heavy, my dog is really sick, which I know to some people seems like a small thing considering all the other things we have to worry about, but to me it is so very saddening. My patience and parenting are tested daily by my foster son, who bless his heart, is sooooo good when he is good, and sooooooo difficult when he is angry.  He is angry a lot. I have been so blessed with work, and believe me I am grateful.  When you work for yourself, work tends to flow in monsoons, and droughts---- so while I love the benefits of tons of work, it does take a toll on me. I am also blessed by a new season of hope at our church.  We finally have a new pastor! Our church has been packed the last two weeks, and the energy is so aw...

I believe....... That marriage is a lifetime gig That it is up to us to take care of those in need, through families, churches, relationships, etc... That family is serious business, parenthood is a gift, a treasure, something to take dead dog serious. That I have a right, and a responsibility to protect my family and those who can't protect themselves, from would be criminals, and anyone else who is attempting to infringe on our rights as stated in our constitution. I believe that without faith in God, and a conscious decision to submit to him, people are lost in a pool of ever changing self centered nonsense, and are subject to what ever the politically correct, hip, educated mantra of the year is. Stuff is awesome, shiny cars, flashy jewels, exotic vacations, are all delightful--- for a little while--then when the shiny wears off, and the financial impact starts hurting--- the result is damage to the most important thing--- family, and submission to God. I bel...

I woke up this morning thinking about my Grandmother.  She has been gone a while now, but she is really present with me. I often find myself wondering what she would think, or what she would say, about my life.  This morning it occurred to me that she would tell me, "you can't help getting older Vic, but you can't just let yourself go!" I have been a touch obsessive lately about my aging skin, and have been beating myself up about my weight--but not doing anything about it. For some reason this morning I found myself thinking about my childhood with her. I didn't live with her, but spent a lot of time there.  I remember every detail of her home, and it makes me really sad, and sentimental.  I have such good memories of her house.  That led me to thinking about the fact that she raised three children in that house.  It was a neighborhood of brick row homes in Baltimore.  A nice house, but not huge, and not fancy.  It had a small living room, a di...

Soooo, my husband, my adorable, always freezing, husband, gets sent to teach class in Connecticut of all places. This week!!! Eye of the storm and all that.  He get's stuck in Philadelphia, flight is cancelled, can't get out.  Last train, leaves in 20 minutes.....so he rents a car and drives---- in the eye of the storm, from Philadelphia to Hartford CT.  I was nervous enough about him driving from the airport to the hotel once he got, to CT, but it wasn't meant to be that easy. To make matters worse, of course, .... his luggage won't catch up with him for a while...so after leaving our home at 3am, traveling coast to coast, dealing with the hoo ha of missed flights and unhelpful airline personnel, he then rents a car, drives 4+ hours, stops to shop, finally gets to his hotel..... and.... does he gripe? Nope does he whine? Nope does he snipe at me? Nope He was the picture of grace, this after having pre-made the family three dinners for this week...

What is the difference between those who DO hard things, and those who DREAM about doing hard things? Well, a lot of things.  Some might say...fearlessness, ambition, talent, drive. I think all of those qualities play a small part, but they certainly aren't the most important one. I believe the difference between doers and thinkers is effort. Being willing to try, and potentially fail. Being willing to try over and over. Showing up, giving a 100%, putting yourself out there.  Saying to the universe, that is something I would like to achieve, then daily taking steps toward it. We could easily get stone walled when we start to think to hard about "How" will I ever achieve that.  We can fool ourselves by focusing on the DREAM, and not taking any action that will lead us to achieving it. The answer is EFFORT.  One step at a time.  Consistently walking forward, chipping away, showing up. I am not making this stuff up. I am no wise woman.  This is time te...

How whack is it, that when I want to really punish my oldest son, I have to take away reading?????  I know it sounds absurd, but ever since about 6th grade, he has been an avid reader.  Good right?? I love that about him.  We even love the same kind of books.  We both love mythological stuff, and history, and biblical fiction.  He is so interesting to talk to, it is like having our own exclusive book club. My younger son Michael is developing this love of reading too, which is awesome!! So what is wrong with this picture?  When reading becomes as much of a diversion from doing what you are supposed to be doing (studying, homework, annotating,  copying notes), when wanting to get to your book makes you rush through a test, it becomes as bad as an iphone, or a video game or TV.  Messed up.  It feels completely counter intuitive to take it away, but we have to. We took away his kindle, he went to the library.  Even though our new agree...

I remember there being a time in high school, I don't remember if it was my junior or senior year. My best friend and I were walking on the wild side a bit.  We were going to parties, doing the bad stuff that teenagers do at parties.  Well, we made a really bad choice one time, got caught, and got in trouble at school for it.  It was internal suspension. I guess, because my parents both worked, real suspension would have been too easy.  I would have layed around watching TV all day.  Instead, internal suspension meant I had to sit all day at a desk near the counselors office-- for three days.  My teachers and counsellors cared about me.  I was a good kid making bad choices. So I was visited by teachers, friends (the ones who my teachers thought would be a good influence on me) throughout my punishment.  I don't think those visits could have made me feel any worse.  I realized how much I was letting people down.  ...

Do you know anyone who grew up in foster care? I bet you know a few people who were adopted, you may not even know it.  I like sharing my families story.  When I do, I am always so surprised at how others open up about their own adoption/foster experiences. It is really eye opening. I also hear from so many people how adoption or fostering is something they have always considered, but will likely never do. It is hard not to consider it if you think about the impact you could have on the course of another persons life right? So what stands between thinking about it, and doing it? A lot, I know.  There are a ton of considerations, financial, space, emotional bandwidth, parenting bandwidth, foster-parent stigma, car size, the list goes on.  What if...you focused for just a minute, and imagined the potential of a life changed by that one decision.  Imagine being used by God to take a child from a path of neglect, abuse,  drugs, and a likely incarceration to s...

The sky is blue, on what feels like a Friday afternoon.....but alas, it is only Thursday.  It has been a tough week.  Sick kids, teenage drama, and an uninspired mama.  I have a ton of work to do....for my job, organizing my home, making appointments for family members to see this Dr. or that Dr., family admin stuff to catch up on. I am just so darned tired. We have a fun weekend ahead if we can just get to it!  The Ravens are in the Super Bowl.  My husband and sons are floating on air at the thought of a Raven's Super Bowl Win. Game day is all planned.  Being superstitious sports fans, they have layed down some game day ground rules: - No party.  Not a real party anyway.  We will have a couple of friends over, but only people who are dead dog serious about watching the game.  No pretenders who are there to eat meatballs, drink beer, and chit chat....this is hard core. - We have to have the exact same game day food that we have had for th...

I know I have written on this topic before, but wow, it is hitting in my household like a pie in the face, Life is different now than it was way back in the 80's.  I never questioned what Middle school or High School I would attend, I just walked to the end of my road, got on a bus (that was free by the way), and went to school. My parents didn't deliberate and lose sleep over which school was best.  It was your assigned school, or private school, and the majority of families chose public--at least in rural Southern Pennsylvania.  I knew most of the same kids all through school.  I wasn't an exceptional student.  I was smart, but lazy.  I did well in the classes I enjoyed, not so well in the ones that didn't -- ie: Chemistry, Algebra, etc.... I got in a little bit of trouble, but I had a pretty smile, and all of my teachers knew my Mom, so I got an extra measure of grace-- it didn't hurt that my best friend's Mother was the Principals secretary, lol. ...

I am a creature who generally does ok with change.  Sometimes I think my spirit seeks it.  I am constantly keeping my life in a state of action.  Rarely do I let the dust settle, and if I do it is not for long.  I imagine that this character quality makes being my friend, Mother, sister, husband or son, a little bit challenging. So far no one has strung me up, although I do occasionally get the hairy eyeball, or at least a gently spoken word of caution.  Bless your hearts, Mom, Sis, Jeff, friends and my beloved boys, I really am lucky to have you. On another note, I do however wonder sometimes why it is necessary to endure so much of it.  I try to look at every bump or turn in the road as an opportunity, but some days..... change feels icky. It is one thing to complicate my own life, but when things outside of my control (which is a lot, lol), happen, and impact me, I have a choice.  Choice number one, go with the flow, be optimistic, look for t...

With a new year comes a refreshed sense of optimism for me.  Especially this year, as it is 2013, and 13 is my absolute favorite, and lucky number!  There are many new things developing this year. The children are all changing.  The older ones are getting more serious, and are starting to think about college, and life outside of the nest.  My middle schooler is struggling with all of the fun emotional growing pains that middle school brings.  The little ones are just at the beginning of their journey, and everything is exciting and new.  Every word from their teachers mouths gospel.  I am trying to wade through all of these stages, not wanting to miss a thing.  I must admit, it is challenging to stay abreast of and engaged in young adult, middle schooler, and little people, affairs all at once.  It requires a lot of mental bandwidth, and I don't always have bandwidth to spare (after all, I am expected to remember all of their names too.) ...