Did you ever think that allowing yourself to appear weak in front of others could be a gift? I didn't. I thought the fact that I can get so emotional was definitely a weakness. I cry over commercials, I cry when I watch Oprah, I cry when I hear awesome music, and I definitely cry when I am going through a rough spot, and I am sharing it with someone. I met a really amazing woman last year, her name is Rita. I had a particularly rough year last year. Tough financial times, struggling with depression a little, but I was still plugging through. I saw Rita once a week (She was the leader of my Women's Bible Study group) , and she would call me once a week. She didn't know the details of my troubles, but she knew I was having a difficult time. Her sincerity, and warm hugs, never failed to make me cry. I would get all embarrassed. I told her that it was humiliating to me that I could not control my emotions. I shared with her that I at one time used prescription medication (anti-depressants) to help me manage these emotions. They would allow me to stay straight faced and calm, even under stress. I don't like feeling out of control. I chose to go off of that medication many years ago because even though I don't like to break down in front of others, I also don't like to be stoic. It is not me. If I am calm and cool, I want it to be a genuine peace I am feeling, not a drug induced one. One day when I was talking to Rita, she told me that my ability to expose my vulnerability was a gift that God had given me. She said that most people would look at me and think I had my act together all of the time, they might not see themselves as like me, because on the outside I am pretty buttoned up. By allowing myself to be vulnerable, to share my own struggles and weakness, I am showing others God's love. Talk about turning the typical "What is your weakness" interview question into a positive--- Rita rocks. I am not embarrassed by tears anymore. What weakness" do you have that could be used for God's purpose?
I am a girl with strong faith. Strong, blind, childlike faith. My atheist friends are bewildered by it. They cannot understand how such a smart woman would believe such "nonsense". I have no explanation other than, I just do. I preface this post with that statement because, you won't find me quoting scripture here. Though I would if I were more confident in my ability to do so competently. I do not have that confidence, never have. I am a believer. My belief has been nurtured by life experience, by answered prayers, by constant evidence that God cares about me. I see his hand in big things and small. I look to him for guidance and help in all things. I am not a Biblical scholar. I have always been somewhat insecure about that. I am bolstered up by the words of a Godly woman much wiser than I who assures me that "I am living my walk out loud". My faith is not in my knowledge of the scripture, but in the...
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