Did you ever think that allowing yourself to appear weak in front of others could be a gift? I didn't. I thought the fact that I can get so emotional was definitely a weakness. I cry over commercials, I cry when I watch Oprah, I cry when I hear awesome music, and I definitely cry when I am going through a rough spot, and I am sharing it with someone. I met a really amazing woman last year, her name is Rita. I had a particularly rough year last year. Tough financial times, struggling with depression a little, but I was still plugging through. I saw Rita once a week (She was the leader of my Women's Bible Study group) , and she would call me once a week. She didn't know the details of my troubles, but she knew I was having a difficult time. Her sincerity, and warm hugs, never failed to make me cry. I would get all embarrassed. I told her that it was humiliating to me that I could not control my emotions. I shared with her that I at one time used prescription medication (anti-depressants) to help me manage these emotions. They would allow me to stay straight faced and calm, even under stress. I don't like feeling out of control. I chose to go off of that medication many years ago because even though I don't like to break down in front of others, I also don't like to be stoic. It is not me. If I am calm and cool, I want it to be a genuine peace I am feeling, not a drug induced one. One day when I was talking to Rita, she told me that my ability to expose my vulnerability was a gift that God had given me. She said that most people would look at me and think I had my act together all of the time, they might not see themselves as like me, because on the outside I am pretty buttoned up. By allowing myself to be vulnerable, to share my own struggles and weakness, I am showing others God's love. Talk about turning the typical "What is your weakness" interview question into a positive--- Rita rocks. I am not embarrassed by tears anymore. What weakness" do you have that could be used for God's purpose?
I am swirling in chaos! Our little remodeling projects, ie: painting the boys rooms, have resulted in a whirl of mess, mess, mess. My husband has been diligently painting walls, repurposing furniture, meanwhile all of the clothing, shoes, toys, junk, furniture we are no longer using, etc... is lining the hallways and rooms of my house! We have tried to engage the boys in this project, but it has somehow eluded them that they have any responsibility for putting the house back together, so it it a painful exercise of command and whine. Today, we must put it back, we cannot start the week in madness. So my day, is going to be interesting. They need to help, a lot. I need to figure out how to motivate them to help, without them feeling like they are being tortured. Wish me luck, at 10:30, video games, and NFL TV go off, and cleaning commences. I'd better have another cup of coffee, and pray for the next half hour, I'm gonna need it.
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